Our relationship has changed over the years, and one thing I’m getting used to this year is that Fiona does not need to hold my hand all the time. She never wanders more than three or four feet away from me, but this still makes me nervous. She has explained to me that her mom and dad let her walk down the street without holding their hands all the time, and I’ve explained to her that I don’t care. I am not her mom or her dad and as a result, I have to be more careful with her.
I told her that babysitting her is like checking a book out from the library--with my own books, I won’t hesitiate to write in the margins or dog-ear pages, or break in the binding. It’s my book, I can do what I like with it but Fiona is not my book, she belongs to someone else, and they want her to come back exactly as I left her, and if she doesn’t I’m going to end up with a big ol’ fine.
Maybe I am overly protective... I will admit that any time a remotely sketchy character gets within a seven-foot radius of Fiona, I have visions of them trying to snatch her and then I go all ninja and cartwheel over turnstyles to kick the guy in the throat and steal her back...
I wanted to find a picture of me looking all ninja...
but this was the closest I could find
--shaking my fist of fury
Doctor: Okay, please flex your right bicep.
(Jacey does so.)
Relax. Flex again.
(Jacey complies.)
Okay... so your right arm isn’t your dominant arm, is it?
Jacey: No. It is. I’m right-handed.
Doctor: Okay. Wow. So you have exceptionally weak biceps. I mean, I don’t mean that... I just mean most people have way stronger biceps than you do... which is probably why you injured your arm.
(Ouch.)
So, you should do some arm curls with maybe...
Jacey: Oh, like with a weight?
Doctor: No. No. I’m not sure you’re ready for a weight, maybe just like, I dunno, a can of soup?
(Jacey sees her dreams of ninja-ing die before her very eyes, and tries to remember if she ate that Cream of Brocolli last week...Should she ask the doctor if she could substitute a can of chick peas or would that be too taxing...?)
Thankfully, Fiona informed me she has taken up a new afterschool activity.
Fiona: So, on Mondays I do cooking and on Wednesdays I do fencing.
Jacey: Fencing? Really? What do you fence with?
Fiona: Just foils for now. But Jacey, oh my God, you can’t believe what the girls wear when they fence. Like, you wear a mask, but the boys do that too and then on your chest you wear well, this thing and Jacey it... well.. it makes me look like I have breasts, like real breasts.
Jacey: Yes, that’s to protect your chest. In fact, I would guess it’s called a breast plate, and it’s shaped that way because grown up girls like me wear them too.
Fiona: Well it could never fit over your breasts.
(Good to know)
Fiona: Do you want to know why I chose fencing?
Jacey: Yes.
Fiona: Well, I went to this birthday party where we were taught the basic principles of fencing. They taught it very fast, because they wanted us to be able to actually fence at a fencing brithday party, so now I know a lot of things we haven’t gotten to yet in afterschool fencing, where they are trying to be more thorough. But, Jacey the place where we went for the fencing birthday party is where the real Olympic fencing team trains. So, if I want to be an Olympian, I don’t even have to move all the way to Ohio like Gaby Richards, I can just walk five blocks. I mean not by myself, but with my mom... I could just walk five blocks.
Jacey: And then you’ll be an Olympian.
Fiona: Well... yeah. You never know!
So, if you’re looking for Fiona, it seems she will be an Olympian, meanwhile I will be in Aisle Three pumping Campbell’s.
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